🐦 Why Did It Take Two Grown Adults 45 Minutes to Evict One Bird?

The Inspection Insider

The Inside Scoop for Buyers, Sellers, and Realtors

This Week's Inspector Spotlight: A routine inspection turned chaotic when a wild bird refused to leave

This Inspection Turned Into a Wildlife Rescue Mission

Some home inspections reveal foundation cracks. Others turn up ancient furnaces or moldy attics.
And then, every once in a while… a bird tries to kill me.

Anything but routine
It was supposed to be a routine inspection—a vacant two-story house on a quiet suburban street. No furniture. No people. Just me, my tools, and the faint smell of old air fresheners.

The kind of place where you'd expect peace and quiet.
The kind of place not usually featuring a full-blown wildlife standoff.

Something Was Very Wrong
I was halfway through the main floor when I heard it.

THWAP.

A flutter. Then a flurry. Then… chaos.

I turned toward the kitchen and there it was: a wild bird, flapping furiously against the closed window above the sink, leaving behind a mess of feathers and streaks I’m hoping were just from its feet.

The bird saw me and immediately panicked.
I saw the bird and immediately considered a career change.

Help arrives!
The realtor showed up just as I was mid-battle— “What the hell is going on?”

I explained, as calmly as someone with a bird circling their head can:

We opened every single door, window and patio slider. It had a highway to freedom, a clear exit strategy.

Instead?
It went upstairs.

Then back downstairs.
Then into a closet.
Then into another window.
Then tried to attack its reflection.
Then, for a moment, perched on the kitchen faucet like it owned the place.

Every time we tried to shoo it toward the open door, it veered left. Or up. Or directly at our faces.

I swear this bird had a personal vendetta against real estate professionals.

Forty-five minutes of flailing, yelling, ducking, waving jackets, and one near-broken window later…
Freedom.

It finally zipped through the back door and vanished into a nearby tree. Probably to tell its bird friends about the idiot humans it just outmaneuvered.

Lesson Learned
So what’s the lesson here?
Always check for animal intruders. And never underestimate a bird’s ability to ignore wide open doors.

Also: bring a net. Or better yet, a professional bird whisperer.

Home inspections don’t always involve cracked foundations or leaking roofs.
Sometimes, they involve being outsmarted by a creature that weighs less than your shoe.

But hey—at least this one flew the coop.

🛠️ Pro Tip of the Week

Hear flapping in the vents or walls?
It’s not the wind. Birds, bats, or squirrels can enter attics or wall cavities through small openings. Always check vent screens, attic hatches, and chimney caps during spring inspections.

What’s Coming Next Week?

Ever show up for an inspection and realize… you’re at the wrong house?

That’s what happened when a couple met me at what they thought was their dream home—only to find out their realtor was waiting at a completely different address. Turns out, they’d bought the wrong house. Yes, literally.

Next week’s story is a cautionary tale about contracts, confusion, and how one tiny MLS mix-up led to total mayhem. You won’t want to miss it.

Ron Henderson, CMI
Certified Master Inspector

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